The primary reason why we hear so many women say they can't pursue their dream is that they don't have the time.
So I'm going to share with you why I thought I didn't have the time because I think maybe some of you may be feeling that too. And maybe we can help each other out.
Let me start by saying I am the champion of being busy - and it is not a title I am proud to hold. For years I have told myself that I prioritize my family and friends but really - I have let work consume my life.
I felt useful, purposeful when working. While I always wanted to be proud of what I was doing, once I was in the zone of getting things done, it didn't really matter to me what it was I was working on. I was busy, so I felt important.
Twice in my life, I have left a very well-paid, secure, straightforward job to do something that compared to those roles, was decidedly riskier, and creative. I left those positions thinking if I was busy with something that mattered more to me, something imaginative, maybe I’d feel more fulfilled and my life would have more balance against my work.
The first time, I was in my 20’s and left a safe corporate job to go to film school in Austin, Texas. I ended up nearly working myself into the ground for 3 years trying to prove to myself that I hadn't left a very lucrative, productive, name-brand recognized job to do something silly.
So I got a creative job. And once again, I busied myself beyond recognition. I had to be the first person in the door, last person out. And it wasn’t enough.
I went back to a more “secure” company in private equity. Because I thought, well, if I'm going to work this hard no matter what field I'm in, I might as well earn it. I thought I meant money. What I realize now is I meant I wanted a name brand, a tough industry, to tell me my hard work was worth it.
It was awful. I worked myself down again and again and I wasn't even remotely interested in what I was doing. But because it was work, it was important.
I realized once again how deeply unhappy I was, how deeply I was hurting people I loved, and who loved me. So for the second time in my life - I left a very secure, well-paid, steady corporate job.
Except for this time I had nowhere to go. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a next thing lined up, I just quit. It felt all at once like the fate I deserved, the unproductive fate; and the fate I deserved, the unproductive fate.
Yes, I know I wrote that twice.
Do you know what I mean by that? What I read from that was I could no longer busy myself with work - some part of my conscious told me - You have to be still.
BE STILL.
I have thought about that phrase for years. "Be Still". There's a deep part of my soul that looks at that phrase and thinks "lazy". And I have been fighting that impulse since I first went to school and decided anything less than an A was unacceptable.
BE STILL.
Now, I think it is the most glorious, productive, and bountiful phrase I know.
BE STILL.
Be still, so you can listen. Be still, so you can sit with your thoughts, your racing, productive, elaborate, hopeful, terrible, wonderful thoughts.
BE STILL. So you can actually HEAR YOURSELF.
For years I have been listening to something, some whisper, some intuition, or, as I see it - some immense love from my family and friends asking for connection. And I didn't prioritize it.
I don't know what my calling is, I don't know what my whisper is, but I know that if I Stay Still long enough, I have a better chance of actually hearing it.
I've heard little shouts that have brought me to where I am today, serving you at WF&S and as the Director of Development for a company I truly believe is putting positivity into the world.
I haven't heard the whole message, but I know that when I do, I will be ready.
So here's my hope for you if any of this feels authentic to your experience -- If you are feeling racing thoughts, this uncomfortable, tight-chested, endless, itchy swirl of thoughts -- BE STILL.
Just be still. Stop being busy for one hour.
Just one hour, be still, and do absolutely nothing.
What do you hear?